It is the same sharp tug of disappointment that gets me every time I see a black man with a white woman on his arm.
Try as I might to suppress the reaction, I experience black men's choice of white women as a personal rejection of the group in which I am a part, of African American women as a whole, who have always been devalued in this society.
This is the way things would be if our love lives actually mirrored recent scientific findings, which tell us the human family is so genetically close that we share more than 99 percent of our DNA.
Genetically speaking, there are no racial categories; race is merely skin deep.
For both these men (and to be fair, they were not much older than 20 at the time and thus had plenty of maturing to do), white women were the pinnacle of womanhood -- the prize that they secretly coveted, the emotional weapon that they knew they could wield.
But personal moments of rejection are not the driving force behind my resentful feelings about black male-white female relationships now.
Half or 50% of African Americans have never been married compared to 33% of all Americans.
After viewing the available data, we can see that although fewer black women are “now married”, more black women than Black men have been married at least once.
She was shy and didn't talk much in what was likely an unfamiliar and perhaps overwhelming African American social setting.
Another of my male relatives brought home a woman for Christmas who seemed like a modern-day, socially progressive southern belle.
The driving force is, instead, my awareness of all of the (straight) African American women -- beautiful, smart, good women, some of them my own family and friends -- who might not have a honey to bring home this Thanksgiving holiday because they cannot find a date, even as rising numbers of eligible African American men will be wooing white women. Individuals would choose each other for kindness, intelligence, perseverance, courage, and a host of other mysterious reasons that make attraction so magical.
Race and the characteristics that have come to represent it -- like skin color, eye color, and hair texture -- would not be factors in matters of the heart.
They found that African Americans age 35 and older were more likely to be married than White Americans from 1890 until sometime around the 1960s.